I had a nasty bout of insomnia (of my own making?) last night. I found myself still in front of the television at 11 p.m. before I flipped the switch and headed to bed. This is a death knell for my normally good sleep patterns. I generally need to be in bed before 10 p.m. or my brain decides to turn on at just the wrong time. This, Ayurveda teaches me, is totally to be expected. It’s a reflection of existence. Our pita (fire) elements begin to stoke around 11 a.m. and get in the way of sleep triggers (they are more appropriately inducing deep sleep and dream states). Thus, bedtime between 9 and 10:00 p.m. is a natural way to develop healthy sleep patterns.
I knew this, but was compelled to complete the show I was watching, a Ken Burns documentary about the history of Country Music in the U.S. It is a subject about which I’m very interested and Ken Burns’ work has a strange way of sucking me into its “we are all in this together” vibe. Was my behavior worth it, given the rather dazed state I’m experiencing now? My answer is, maybe, just this once, but “let’s not make this a habit.”
My Experience
As I ruminated and ruminated and meditated and ruminated and ruminated and read and tossed and turned and read some more and wandered around the house and ruminated and ruminated and ruminated, read some more, meditated some more, castigated myself, ruminated, ruminated, forced myself to not look at the clock, listened to the crickets, wondered if they were birds, ruminated, ruminated, etc (you know the drill) a strange thing happened. I fell asleep for a few hours.
This experience disrupted my routine and left me feeling less than stellar today. But, I’m ok, have the freedom to add a few hours of sleep to the morning, and am just trying to go with the flow.
While meditating this morning (considerably later than usual) I noticed an interesting phenomenon. I felt a level of clarity I hadn’t felt for awhile. It was like all the ruminating had purged my mind of a lot of detritus. I was able to gain a glimpse of the sense of being an empty vessel. Much of what I had been ruminating over and rehearsing in my mind through the night just wasn’t there, at least for that moment,. In its place was a sense of clarity, like a calm pool of water.
Naming It
So, I felt the need to write my experience down, name it, to make it real. Writing is one tool I use to remember these sort of experiences. Without some method of codifying these experiences my mind fills up quickly and these moments of clarity dissolve into the pool.
Writing a blog is an interesting experience. While I have wanted to post every week, that just hasn’t been possible. It isn’t lack of inspiration (I don’t think writing is necessarily about “inspiration”, at least not exclusively). It isn’t about “will” (whatever that is). It isn’t necessarily about the “doing” either…many days I write, just not things I want to share. Today, I think, my decision to blog involves naming clarity.
A state of clarity is when my mind is clear of all the things that clutter it up, worry, anxiety, ego, striving, expectation, etc (you know this drill too). In these rare moments of clarity, I am able to use my mind as a vessel for whatever is out there to be shared.
Sometimes the Preamble to Clarity is Arduous
I appreciate the clarity, although, I must say, I often prefer to reach this level of clarity using easier methods. Insomnia is a pretty unpleasant experience. The problem, as I see it, is that those easier methods aren’t always apparent to me. Fortunately these days the unpleasantness is usually short lived. I have a non-pharmaceutical plan for achieving sleep bliss tonight. This plan has worked in the past and I think it will tonight.
This difficult night followed by bright clarity makes me feel like I’ve taken a another brief foray into the underworld. This time to purge myself of my chatter-box demons. Like so many mythic characters before me, maybe I’m now part of a special club. I’m surprised though; I never expected Ken Burns would be the one to open these gates for me. Goes to show, you never can tell.
Monthly Gathering Next Thursday
I invite you to join me next week, Thurs. September 26 at 7 p.m. for a monthly community gathering at St. Peder’s church, 4600 E 42nd St, Minneapolis, MN 55406 in South Minneapolis’ Longfellow neighborhood. Cost (suggested donation) is $25 per session. I suspect, much of what I’ve been blogging about will emerge in the sessions. But, again, you never can tell. Learn more at Healing-ground.com/events or email me at info@healing-ground.com. It would be helpful if you could let me know if you will be attending but feel free to just drop in. I certainly will not be turning anyone away!
