Category: Social Connection

It’s all connected

Post author By Mary Dobish
Post date June 9, 2020

It’s been a while since I’ve written. The pandemic was in its infancy the last time I posted. Since then the universal energy has been moving fast. It can be difficult to keep up with the natural forces sometimes.

You don’t need me to lecture about the events of the last few weeks. What I will tell you is that the city in which I live was at the epicenter of a police killing of yet another black man. This happened several miles from my home. Then, as grieving people protested, a reactionary arson and rioting spree commenced in the business corridor less than a mile from my home. And to add to the story, we were all living amidst an historic pandemic with many of us living in a leader-less country. Throughout the activity, the air became hotter and we were living with a level of stifling heat and humidity that was matched only by the permeating sadness. It felt hopeless.

What was once one of my favorite movies was becoming my reality—again.

About a week ago I awoke for the first time since in several weeks, feeling rested. I had a real night’s sleep. Outside the air was wet, the helicopters were gone, the prairie was in bloom, the birds were singing like crazy. The bike was calling me. What a privilege—to be able to escape the mayhem!

Back to the source

Because of the pandemic and my age, I opted to stay away from the centers of activity. I felt that I’d be serving the greatest public good by staying home. To stay grounded and to maintain perspective, I spent a lot of time digging in the soil and watching the prairie, perennial, vegetable, flower, and garlic gardens evolving (another privilege these days, I might add). If there was ever a time and place in my life to see how everything is connected, this was it.

This video from the California Native Plant society is the best presentation I’ve found of how it’s all connected. Unfortunately, the only link I could locate is via Facebook, I couldn’t find this in YouTube. But clicking on the image will take you to the video in Facebook.

I planted my garlic last fall and topped it with lots and lots of straw and dried leaves (mulch) to help it survive the fierce Minnesota winter. This year the extra mulch I provided made a world of difference in the crop. The garlic looks healthier and happier than I’ve ever seen it at this time of year. With proper care, I expect the garlic harvest to be my best ever.

Mindful mulching allowed the garlic to thrive.

The potatoes at the community garden showed signs of potato bugs so we sprayed them with soap and water and it looks like we’ll have a good harvest. I planted seeds for a variety of greens but only the dino-kale germinated properly. I separated the kale and replanted the plugs, dug up that area of the garden, and planted summer squash starter plants given to me by a friend.

We’re even connected to the humble potato!

The beloved prairie has been in bloom, and is generally self-sustaining, as is the way with prairies. Each plant gives way to another. Getting this bed to this point about six years ago required completely re-configuring the strip along the garage. What was existing there, invasive weeds, had to go. I puzzled over organic and sustainable ways to start from scratch. It was difficult, but in the end it worked and self-sustaining beauty evolved.

Thanks to my great neighbors I have a new boulder. I’ve considered moving it to the other alley garden (below) for visual appeal but now I’m sort of liking it in the prairie. Any opinions?

My newest bed, back in the shade off of the alley, is finally beginning to thrive. I weed some, putter around a lot, investigate, and wonder. So far the hosta, coreopsis, irises, and sedum seem happy. It was a lot of work getting that garden started: scoping out the patch of earth and its relationship to the sun, pruning the adjacent shrubs, laying cardboard and newspapers (compliments of many friends) and topping them with rocks to kill the weeds, locating plants (again compliments of many friends), planting, hauling, and laying mulch (again, compliments of friends). And then, agonizing over whether the garden would “take”. It was ugly at first but it’s two years in and it appears that the hard work up front has allowed the garden to grow and begin to thrive. With a little maintenance and care, I expect the garden will contribute to our community.

With time this garden will find it’s place in the community. Should I move the boulder here?

A time to…

As I look at our human garden, I wonder if we aren’t starting the reestablishment process. It might be time to look at our human institutions and create the conditions for new systems. Maybe we need to completely eliminate some systems, and plant new ones that are more adapted to our communities.

We might consider institutions that thrive and are nurtured and sustained by community input. Instead of cutting people off when they don’t immediately flower, what might happen if we applied the same compassion to other people that we apply to our own children and grandchildren? For many, the world feels ugly right now, but others see the potential underneath all the unsightly mulch, cardboard, rocks, and wet newspapers.

Blooms

In the back yard an iris I planted several years ago has been a total dud—no blooms, just boring go-nowhere iris leaves. I was planning to dig it up and toss it. But on memorial day this year my dud of an iris flowered into brilliant pure white blooms. What a lovely gift! Iris people love to name their irises. I’ve named mine the Mr. George Floyd Iris.

Kindred Spirits, June 18th

The Kindred Spirits online Zoom gathering has been a great international community connection point. The next gathering will be Thursday, June 18th from 6:30 p.m. to, at the latest, 8:00 p.m. central daylight time. It’s free and all people of loving intention are invited. This month our topic will be “Taking Responsible Action”. The gathering includes group meditation, a brief presentation, and conversation. It’s free but you must register to attend. You can register on the Healing Ground website.

Politics of Well-Being Social Connection The Spirit

Dr. King Holiday: It’s Personal

Post author By Mary Dobish
Post date January 20, 2020

Today is Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. day in the United States. It happens in the dead of winter when I welcome even the smallest ray of light. For me, this holiday has a great deal of meaning. It’s the one holiday I take personally. Possibly because it celebrates a man who was doing his work when I was actually alive, and possibly it’s because the lessons we learn from Dr. King are as relevant today as they were when I was a child. It’s probably both. But I know it is also because of my personal experience as a child-pawn in all Dr. King was fighting against.

Have you forgotten?

So why am I talking about Dr. King and the civil rights movement in a health and well-being blog? Have you already forgotten about the Universal Body? Oh dear. It is so easy for us to prioritize the gross (physical) body over all others and to see the universal body as just a side-line. Well, either we are all connected or we’re not. And, if we ARE connected, then the health of the universal body is equal in importance to that of the others. And, damage to the universal touches on the gross body and the subtle body and vice versa. That’s why it’s important for all of us to take care of our physical bodies, spirits, minds, and souls—AND—why it is important for all of us to take care of our universal bodies. In short, it is difficult (impossible?) to live a happy and healthy life while ignoring the suffering of others. That is just the way it is and why I see Martin Luther King Jr. as a celebration of the Universal Body.

My bus kids story

I grew up Milwaukee, Wisconsin, an epicenter of Midwest urban racism during the 1950s and 60s (and possibly still today). Fortunately, I was raised by parents who supported the civil rights struggle and who taught me that we all were equal. As a young child I didn’t understand prejudice or racism, but I also didn’t have ANY interactions with black people at Garden Homes Elementary School. (We did have one girl of Japanese descent in our class, one Jewish kid in the first grade, and one Native American girl in class, as I recall). Then, sometime around maybe second or third grade the “bus kids” arrived on the scene. These “bus kids” were black children who arrived mysteriously every morning at our school in school buses.

My elementary school, Garden Homes elementary school, is now (I’m happy to say) Lloyd Barbee Montessori School. Lloyd Barbee was a Milwaukee civil rights attorney who worked tirelessly on school desegregation cases. My mother was thrilled to know I went to the same high school as his daughter. I guess she thought it lent my high school some cred. She would be thrilled to know Garden Homes school was renamed after Mr Barbee..

We were told they were kids who went to school in buildings that needed to be repaired and they were at our school temporarily, until their schools were fixed. They had their own teachers, met in totally separate spaces (I’m not sure where…in the school basement?), ate at separate lunch times at unknown locations, and had separate recesses.

We, white kids, had very little interaction with the bus kids. However, to my shame, I recall I encountered a “bus girl” at the outside bubbler one time, when I decided she skipped in line. After being egged on by the class bully, I made a nasty and mean (unfortunately racist—fortunately not the “N” word) comment to her. I immediately regretted what I said. I knew it was wrong and I’ve felt bad, deep in my gut, about that comment ever since. You see, sometimes you just can’t undo your actions, you have to live with the results and ask for forgiveness. That was my ONLY direct interaction with a “bus kid” that I can recall and I am sad about it.

By the time I was in maybe fifth grade, a few black kids had actually moved to the neighborhood and were part of our actual class. By eighth grade about half our class was made up of black students and the bus kids had disappeared (at least from my young teen field of vision). And the world moved on.

Connecting the dots

It wasn’t until I was adult that I was able to connect the dots and understand that the “bus kids” were really child-victims of the city of Milwaukee’s policy of racial segregation of public schools. They were being shuttled around, even to the point of being driven back to their home schools for lunch, in an effort to hoodwink the world into believing the schools were racially integrated. (I strongly encourage you to check out these two above links to learn more).

Then, as efforts were finally made to allow black families into previously forbidden neighborhoods, white people fled these areas like wildfire.

Questioning the story

It wasn’t until my forties that I actually thought about and started questioning the “bus kids” story. And, it wasn’t until my fifties that I sat down and read the details of what was actually happening. It was all part of a REAL racist conspiracy. It wasn’t just in MY or anyone else’s head. It HAPPENED and I was a witness to and a participant in it.

Reflections

Today, on this Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. day, I am reflecting on my experience. What I am coming to understand is that history isn’t something that happens to other people at particularly significant times. History is us, now. And now, and now. It isn’t something we peer at through a mental window or watch on television. History is the sum total of the lives we have led up until now. And it doesn’t change or go away because we don’t like what happened, it is part of who we are, even if it is painful in our gut. Some might say it’s our Karma. I wonder if it isn’t the clearest reflection of the Universal Body we have available to us.

So, on this important day, as we stare out at troubled times I have intense gratitude for those who have lived and fought the United States (and world-wide) civil right struggles over the centuries and I honor those living and fighting the civil rights struggles now, hour by hour and day by day. I ask for forgiveness for hurts I have inflicted on individuals and the struggle and I ask for strength to be part a constructive force as we move our universal body forward. And I invite all of my readers to join me in celebration of a man, a movement, and a struggle that may yet save us all. Thank You Dr. King!

https://youtu.be/sLQNMWHjC-0

This is a time for universal celebration!

If you are interested in contributing to the universal body in a meaningful way, consider attending the Kindred Spirits gathering this Thursday Jan. 23rd, 2020 at St. Peder’s Evangelical Lutheran Church, 4600 E. 42nd St., Minneapolis, MN 55406, from 6:30 to 8:00 p.m. It is a “pay what you can” gathering.

In the January session we’ll explore awareness, the first step towards making any meaningful changes in our lives. Join us!

Ayurveda Politics of Well-Being Self-care Social Connection

A new decade emerges

As I approach the end of another trip around the sun I like to take stock of the year past and set intentions for the upcoming year. I write down key high and low lights of the year, reflect upon forward momentum, and set categorized intentions (home, friends, creative, health, career etc) for the upcoming 365 days. These intentions range from tackling specific tasks: “Clean out the basement and make it useable” and “Paint the living room,” to the more general and esoteric: “Figure out gratitude,” “weigh less, or more at this time next year” (to be honest, I’ve never set the intention to “weigh more” but one could), Then I put the paperwork away until 365 days into to future, when I review it and again reflect and repeat.

This ritual has helped me establish a realistic perspective on my life that has served me well. I encourage you to give it a try–especially the putting the intentions away for a year part. You may be surprised by what you discover. So, after this is posted, I’ll be reflecting on the past year and anticipating my future.

I’ve been keeping New Years Journals since 1998. They have become a comforting yearly ritual that seems to produce remarkable results

And yes, post I shall–despite my resistance. And in the spirit of blogging, I’ve decided to burden the world with yet more opinions per every pundit in internet-land. This appears to be the season for posting the best and worst of the year and the decade. So, to go with the flow, and purge myself of my attachment to my opinions, I proceed.

Best non-fad food of the century

Ginger. I’ve known about the powerful effects of ginger for years and have occasionally drunk ginger tea. This year, however, I took ginger seriously and have been vigilant about using ginger therapeutically, particularly for upper respiratory situations (ie colds). I’ve fended off a number of colds with concerted application of fresh ginger tea with honey (don’t cook the honey). And of course, miraculous ginger baths have been a staple of my cleanses for awhile. Ginger is also a great digestive aid. It’s a workhorse of an herb, is easily accessible, and tastes great!

The gnarly looking ginger root has helped me kick numerous colds this winter. Just toss a few slices of fresh ginger (or a teaspoon or so of dried ginger) into boiling water and simmer for about 20 minutes. Cool a bit and add honey and lemon. Dried ginger is a great addition to hot and and cleansing soak. I hope to add ginger to my garden this spring. Will report back.

Worst wellness food-fad of the decade

Acai. I suppose I’ll receive a lot of hate mail for this one but I find the acai berry fad symbolic of the worst of the wellness and supposed “nutrition” movement. For those not in the know, acai is touted as an anti-oxidant super food that is supposedly responsible for all sorts of miraculous results. It is harvested in Brazil and was a huge money-maker for a select group of entrepreneurs earlier in the decade. This New Yorker piece describes in painful detail the evolution of the acai phenomenon and is reminder of how what we eat effects more than just our selves, our egos, and our appetites.

Second worst wellness food-fad of the decade (there are so many to choose from!)

The raw food movement. We need to cook much of our food in order to release the nutrients to do their nutrient jobs in our body. And besides, cooking makes a lot of our food taste a whole lot better.

Best food fad of the decade

NONE! Food fads are just that, fads, designed to line the pockets of those pushing them.

Most gratifying wellness find of 2019

Pilar Gerasimo: Pilar, who hails from the Twin Cities area, focuses her wellness work on the concept of “healthy deviance” which is the idea that those of us who choose to live healthy and happy lives are bucking the establishment. Consequently, we need to see ourselves as existing outside of the mainstream and proceed as such if we want to be healthy. She does a great job of explaining the evolutionary conundrum the human race finds itself in when it comes to our health and well-being. When I saw (and heard) her speak, I felt a sense of relief at finally finding someone who thought the way I did—ie the system is broken (that includes the system that pushes food and exercise fads) and until we see that clearly, we will be continually frustrated in our efforts to be happy. She has a book coming out soon, The Healthy Deviant and I can’t wait to read it.

Most disappointing wellness trend of the decade

Workplace Wellness Programs: While I encourage people to stay healthy and happy while on the job and I imagine some workplace wellness programs may be moderately helpful, I think, based on observation, that these programs, by and large, have simply become additional vehicles for moneyed interests to line their pockets and for employers to manipulate their work forces. If we, in the United States, are truly concerned about the health and well-being of our workforce, I suggest we pay living wages, provide universal health coverage (so people don’t stay at miserable jobs just to get health insurance), and limit the work week to no more than 40 hours. People will then have the time, space, and resources to properly manage their well-being and be happy.

Most hopeful wellness trend of the decade

The eat local movement, along with the upsurge of farmers markets in metro-areas all over the country provide healthier foods to our communities and do a great job of educating us about where our food comes from and what real food really tastes like. By visiting these markets, we come together as a community to honor the most basic of human activities—feeding ourselves and our communities.

Farmers markets are a great way to connect with the food we eat and those who labor to produce this food.

Most fun new activity of 2019

Circle Singing! Singing in general is good for the soul, our mental health, our physical health and our universal health; circles are a universal symbol of coming together. The perfect combination!

Circle singing is a form of community singing, developed for contemporary times by Bobby McFerrin, in which a leader directs a group in improvisational song. The group I sing with doesn’t seem to have any links I can provide but it is led by Judy Donaghy Vinar so if you get on her mailing list you likely will receive announcements of the monthly gatherings.

We’re in this together

Whew! I think I’ve expressed enough for now. Thanks for indulging me!

As we head into another new decade I encourage all of us to keep our senses attuned—pay attention. There is a lot to observe out there. Let’s watch the sprouts from all the seeds of love, compassion, justice, and creativity that we’ve sewn over the decade begin to pop their heads out of the ground. Let’s nurture these sprouts as we continue to plant more seeds. Let’s care for all of our “selves”: physical, subtle/spiritual, and universal, never forgetting that we’re all in this world together and together is how we will both suffer and thrive.

Happy New Year and Happy New Decade to all of you, thank you for your support, and enjoy the ride.

Start the year out right and mark your calendars

The Kindred Spirits gathering will re-convene Thursday Jan 23rd, 2020 at St. Peder’s Evangelical Lutheran Church, 4600 E. 42nd St., Minneapolis, MN 55406, from 6:30 to 8:00 p.m.. Note that the sessions will be running a half hour earlier than in 2019.

In the January session we’ll explore awareness, the first step towards making any meaningful changes in our lives.

Ayurveda Mindfulness Self-care Social Connection

An Anniversary

Twenty-eight years ago, this week, I thought I had six months left to live.

I learned the startling news on a grueling hot day, not unlike today. I was told by physicians that I had a serious health condition that was probably terminal and that I’d “be awfully lucky” if it was a different condition (as I suggested to the physician it might be). My most vivid memory of that time is riding the clinic elevator, alone, in semi-hysterical tears, medical records in hand, heading out to have my various body parts scanned and prodded. People in the elevator looked at me, sobbing uncontrollably, like they just wished they weren’t there. I can’t blame them for that.

A few weeks later, after extensive surgery, I discovered I was, in fact, “awfully lucky.” I wasn’t dead, nor was I intact, but I was alive. I was shaken to my core, but I was alive.

Thinking I was going to die, only to discover that, oops, I was right about the “different condition” and I would live on, was a surreal experience. I felt a combination of terror and relief at the idea that I had diagnosed myself more accurately than had those with years of medical training. Later, as I was struggling with what this all meant, I felt guilty that, after being given a death sentence, I didn’t suddenly have a revelation that all things in life were wonderful, nor was I inclined to run down the street proclaiming “I’m alive”, like in the movies. Despite the kindness of friends and loved ones, all I felt for a long time was alone in a confusing trauma. And, I was pissed-off …all the time.

I was confused, alone, conflicted and pissed.

Recovery from that experience took at least a decade and required a great deal of self-examination and reflection. I ruminated over how I ended up in such a difficult situation. I reviewed my past and I how I had approached my health. As I struggled to feel better, I found little support from the conventional medical system. But I persisted—I felt I had no choice. Over time, several key observations became apparent:

Buck Up!

I’d been raised in the “buck up” school of health.
This “buck up” attitude taught me to not pay attention to my body, mind, or spirit (whatever that was), and, it taught me to not talk about my health with anyone–these things were private matters.
The conventional western approach to health did of good job of eliminating the physical manifestation of my issue, once it was out of control, but had hindered any chance I may have had of dealing with the situation years earlier, when it was not life threatening.

A difficult journey

Since then, I’ve embarked on a journey of discovery that has taken many wild twists and turns and seen setbacks and advances. When I look around now, I feel like I have ascended from the depths and am living a full, exciting, and happy life. For this life, I can thank traditional Chinese medicine, conventional western medicine, ayurvedic medicine, energy work, body work, Pilates, yoga, reiki, music, painting, many other practices, friends, colleagues, family, strangers, and my own internal resources for supporting me in this turnaround.

Ascent from the underworld

I haven’t thought about this anniversary in quite a few years and have never acknowledged it out loud (or in print) before. But like all anniversaries, it deserves to be acknowledged and named. And so, I’ll name it Persephone, in celebration of my descent to the underworld and return to the world of the living.

I’ll name it Persephone, in celebration of my descent to the underworld and return to the world of the living.

Tags #healthcoaching, findyourvibration, healthcare, mindfulness, selfawareness, selfcare, selfdiscovery

Mindfulness Politics of Well-Being Self-care Social Connection The Spirit

Politics: Yes, I’m going there

Post author By Mary Dobish
Post date June 28, 2019

I’m feeling uplifted today. After watching two extended conversations between potential presidential candidates I am pleased that the counterforces to the current hateful political ideology have chosen to step up and speak out. Finally, people are speaking the truth, out loud and in public, and naming the horrors happening around us every day.

People in my profession, apparently, are not supposed to talk publicly about politics. I guess politics is considered unsavory in a spiritual and mindful profession. This makes no sense to me. If we are all made up a physical body, a subtle (energetic, spiritual) body, and a universal body (as I believe we are, at minimum), then how can we justify ignoring such a significant portion our universal body?

The Universal Body

The “universe” isn’t just the sky, stars, eternal space, and ethereal energetic forces. The “universe” is also material. It’s our neighbors and the parent searching for their child at the border. The universe is the people sleeping in tents along Hiawatha Avenue and those wandering the earth looking for a place to reestablish their roots. The universe is also the pharma executive, the farmer in the fields, and person serving us our lattes. The universe is the person who rations their insulin. The universe is the trees, water, air, birds, turtles, and even rabbits. The universe includes the men who call themselves President of the United States, Prime Minister of India, and President of Russia. Everything, including ourselves, makes up the universal and we ignore it at our peril.

Gratitude

While watching the debates I felt an upsurge of energy that I hadn’t felt in a long time. The United States has been so laden with hate and anxiety over the last few years that I had begun to wonder if that was all there was left in the material political world. Was the answer to simply ignore the universal and retreat from the material into the spiritual?

Seeing the wide variety of individuals stating their philosophies, visions, and ideas I felt a sense of gratitude for these twenty real people who were willing to take on this huge challenge. I was pleased to see at least one candidate stick her neck out and approach issues from an energetic point of view—love versus hate. I nearly jumped up and kissed the TV when one candidate took on an establishment candidate with ferocity—when she made it personal. Hearing a candidate frame the ultimate universal issue of the climate crisis in honest existential terms made my heart sing. And hearing the words “piss” (“should piss us all off and spur us to action”) and asses (Russia has been laughing their asses off”) in a nationally televised debate made me laugh and reminded me that energetic forces may be realigning but I think they have a sense of humor, and I can still laugh.

Insight

This morning, during my meditation I received a helpful insight. Paul Wellstone, the no-longer-with us, beloved, former senator from Minnesota and political mentor and hero to many of us, showed up (as he does on occasion). He smiled his honest, crooked smile and reminded me that while politics is a material action, it also embodies the spiritual action of creation, dreaming, and imagination: “In the last analysis, politics is not predictions and politics is not observations. Politics is what we do. Politics is what we do, politics is what we create, by what we work for, by what we hope for and what we dare to imagine.”

“In the last analysis, politics is not predictions and politics is not observations. Politics is what we do. Politics is what we do, politics is what we create, by what we work for, by what we hope for and what we dare to imagine.”
Paul Wellstone

Paul reminded me that as much as we want to deny and demonize politics, as something engaged in by the evil “them,” the truth is that ultimately, politics is us. It’s how we choose to organize ourselves at a universal level in this material world and it requires the spiritual self to even start the work.

Let’s engage in some politics.

Tags debates, mindfulness, paul wellstone, politics, presidential debates, universal body

Mindfulness Self-care Social Connection The Spirit

Letting Go

I let go of my record album collection several years ago. Of all the items I’ve let go of, my beloved albums were the most difficult. They defined a good portion of my life. From my very first Beatles album (Something New) to my favorite Beatles album (Revolver) to my musical mentor Joni Mitchell, to the eclectic sounds of Frasier and Debolt, to the intense beauty of John Coltrane. Each album described a piece of my life.

I procrastinated for years about these albums. I couldn’t imagine life without them. Never mind that I hadn’t listened a single one of them for many years. In fact, I hadn’t owned a working turn table since well before the turn of the century!

My first record player, a Barbie record player, was my prized possession.

The realization

The final motivation for this purge came when I decided I needed to clear space in my house. I was headed into bi-lateral knee replacement surgery and everything—I mean EVERYTHING (I tend to go to extremes)—needed to be cleared out so I could use a walker in my house (even though my album collection was tucked away in a closet!).

It was an arduous job. Just dragging those heavy crates out of the closet and into the light of day required muscle. I reviewed, sorted, reminisced, and cried over them but eventually was able to lug them, small container by small container, into the back of my car for distribution. It took me several months to go through this process. I sold what had monetary value and donated the remainder.

The payoff

Several young people at the donation-station were very excited to see Beatle albums (so worn that the record store didn’t want them). They gathered around my boxes of albums to ooo and ahh at all this “vintage” music. I felt like quite the sage-music-guru, for that brief moment.

And guess what happened. I went home and felt lighter, fresher, and happier than I’d felt in a long time. I put something that was important to me out into the universe, let it go, passed it on and, in this case, received instant gratification (who doesn’t want to be a sage-music-guru).

The work

Today, as I’m noticing how I’m feeling refreshed (finally) after a two-week heavy metal dietary cleanse (started about a month ago), I see how helpful it can be for me to let go. Not all the time, but when the time is right. Just like our minds have difficulty letting go, so our bodies do. But once that letting go happens, what a delight it is. I’m beginning to see that I cannot control how that delight happens, nor can I control when. I just need to create the fertile ground for the delight to germinate. And, my experience tells me that I must pay attention, or I will miss that moment.

This brings to mind a portion of a prayer, I, and many of my like-minded friends, say when we find ourselves grasping for stuff, control, and outcome: “Relieve me of the bondage of self, that I may better do thy will…”

Our job is to let go. The rest takes care of itself.

Tags lettinggo, mindrullness, minimalistliving, twelvestep

Self-care Social Connection

Finding Grace

Memorial Day, for me, has traditionally signified the blissful start of summer. I look forward to it every year—the inauguration of long days at the local swimming pool and late nights playing four-square out on the street. That feeling has never left me over all the time I’ve been on this planet.

This year, up in the north country, we were treated to a dreary, wet, cloudy, and rainy start to the season of bliss. In short, Memorial Day was looking like it was going to be a bummer for me this year. It started out with a headache. As the day ground on, it evolved into an unexpected plumbing “situation” involving a very plugged drain.

Being the self-sufficient single gal that I think I am, I was determined to “fix” the situation. This involved a plunger, drain cleaner, and a “snake”—a long coiled cable that was going to drill down to the problem and solve it. I visited Menards in a rain storm to pick out my new snake. I settled for the twenty-five-footer…it sounded like a good in-between number. I then set to work.

Four hours later, I had plunged, snaked, and drain-cleaned myself into a frenzy of expectation. “Just one more plunge” would solve the problem! With each snake and plunge cycle my expectations grew, only to be dashed on the rocks by the sludgy water sitting there taunting me while not receding one iota. Finally, I gave up. I was done, summer was ruined (if it ever arrived at all), my plumbing was hopeless and would cost me a fortune to fix, if it could ever be salvaged, and I’d have to live in a rain-soaked, over saturated, cloudy planet that, to top it off, was burning up and flooding at the same time!

As I pondered my pathetic plight, I decided that despite the catastrophic state of my world, I could not go to bed smelling of drain cleaner and sludge. Even I have my limits.

It was then that I had one of those delightful moments of clarity. Out of the blue, on the first night of my summer, I decided to call a friend to see if I could shower at her house. Everything got better.

Of course she said “Come on over!” I did. I took my shower, socialized, laughed, went home, and slept well that night. The drain got fixed the next morning by a pro (referred to me by my friend). Then, the clouds cleared, the sun emerged, and the sky was suddenly blue. I could breathe again.

I believe that cultivating meaningful social connections may be my most important life task.

As I reflect on this experience I see how my expectations for a perfect start to summer generated an unhealthy stress response, which clouded my rational thinking and lead me to forget (or ignore) that plumbing is not my forte (and probably never will be).

I am reminded of the significance of social connection in our lives and how it can break through the stress vortex that we all find ourselves in from time-to-time. There is no question about it, we’re wired for social connection. We require it to stay healthy and without it, we, and the rest of the world, suffer (Holt-Lunstad, Smith, Baker, Harris, & Stephenson, 2015).

I believe that cultivating meaningful social connections may be my most important life task. By injecting this fundamental principle into my life I was able to break through my stress response and begin to celebrate the moment.

And that, my friends, is grace.

References

Holt-Lunstad, J., Smith, T. B., Baker, M., Harris, T., & Stephenson, D. (2015). Loneliness and Social Isolation as Risk Factors for Mortality: A Meta-Analytic Review. Perspectives on Psychological Science, 10(2), 227–237. https://doi.org/10.1177/1745691614568352

Tags holistic health, mindfulness, self-care, stress management